Getting back into the dating scene was a bit intimidating, but since my hunger for dick and pussy was stronger than my fear of rejection I jumped on OK Cupid. The app was nothing like it was a couple years ago – swipe culture infected it. I went ahead and purchased the premium subscription so I could see who liked me and who messaged me. Even as an ‘A-Lister’ my prospects were limited.

I’ve been on two dates so far and propositioned by a bunch of men and women. One guy told me he would like to penetrate me and stay still while maintaining eye contact. Disgusted, I told him I only do missionary in the dark with eyes closed.

I shouldn’t really say it’s been two dates. It was one date and one late night meet up. The first guy —- let’s call him Evan, and I met at a wine bar. I knew from the moment I saw him that I did not want to fuck him. He was tiny; about 5’3 in person, but his profile said he was 5’8. I’m not one to judge people based on their height, but I will judge them for lying. On top of that, he was extremely skinny. It felt like I was out with a prepubescent 14 year old boy not a 34 year old man. 

All things considered we had a great time. Great wine, great conversation, some flirty touches on the arm and shoulders from him as he laughed at my jokes. I had no desire to kiss him or do anything with him, but I could see the foundation for a friendship there.

The second guy —- let’s call him Chris, was much more attractive and had a playful personality. We clicked better. Right off the bat we were slinging jokes at each other laced with innuendo. We had plans to hang out on Tuesday evening, but Monday morning at work I won tickets to a hockey game (scheduled for Tuesday night) so I asked Chris to postpone. We ended up staying in constant contact that day. He told me he resembles the porn star Johnny Sins and admitted to having a foot fetish.

The vibe with Chris was more my speed. Sure it was a little blunt, but I smoke blunts all day. It reminded me of the ease with which I plan a play session with someone in the BDSM lifestyle. I had no intention of meeting him Tuesday night, but one thing led to another and before I knew it he was on the way to the strip club to say hello. I confided in the girl dancing on me that I hadn’t met him yet and I hoped he looked like his pictures.