The Trouble with The Chase

I’m no longer fucking ugly men. Unless you ignite a fire in my gut, a storm in my panties, the conversation is over. You’re not allowed to “grow on me.”

My fellow cis-het sisters, I invite you to stop fucking with ugly men (by “ugly” I mean anyone you are not initially sexually attracted to). You know what I’m talking about – the “nice guys” who we’re guilted into giving a chance because they will “treat us right.” When in actuality they’re usually just as slimey, lie just as much, and in time, will act just as douchey as the hot guy you would have animalistic sex with on the first date.

How often do we see guys making exceptions to be with “nice girls” who would treat them right even though they aren’t super attracted to them? Never! They might fuck those girls in private but never be seen with them. So why the fuck are women expected to be seen with ugly men in public and also please their mediocre dicks in private when they literally don’t even make us wet?

We have been grossly miseducated by the media. Because we live in a patriarchal society, even ugly men hold power over us and play a part in oppressing our sexuality.

I was talking to one of my girlfriends about how I hate a guy who can’t take “no” for an answer; a guy who’s too persistent. She replied, “but don’t you want to know that he’s fighting for you? Don’t you want to feel like you’re worth it?”

This is what’s wrong with the way love and romance are portrayed in western media. Having a guy “chase me to proof he’s into me” is more physcotic and controlling than romantic. I already know I’m worth it. What I want is for him to respect my agency. I don’t want some asshole chasing me around with a boom box and sending me love notes after I’ve made it clear I’m not interested.

I’ll say it again — I’m no longer fucking ugly men! You might ask, “why were you fucking them to begin with?” The answer is complicated, but it’s largely due to societal pressure, especially from trusted friends and family who encourage us to “try a nice guy for a change” To be fair, I’m not blaming them. We are socialized this way, and it’s hard to separate right and wrong from culture.

The dominant narrative is “give him a chance, look how hard he’s fighting for you.” Just as some people “don’t see color,” we fail to examine other sides of the equation like how exhausting it must be for her to repeatedly fight off his romantic advances? Or why is this man waging war on her “no” so fiercely, as if he’s fighting to liberate a country? The irony is he’s fighting her free will like it’s an enemy.

He weaponizes grand gestures and public declarations so the people who witness them pressure her to “give it a go.” In some cases it’s not appropriate for her to say “but he doesn’t make my pussy tingle” because she might look like a bitch or a sex crazed slut. No wonder she ends up caving eventually, it’s the only way to shut him AND her peer pressuring friends up.

So no, I don’t need to be “chased.” I don’t enjoy it. What I like is existing in peace without being bothered by the same fuckboy again and again. What makes me happy and know I’m worth it is when a dude takes me at my word and leaves me the fuck alone when I express my lack of interest. If I change my mind and want to circle back, it’s on me to reach out and refresh the interaction.

As I explained this to my friend, it’s like her mind was exploding. A simple thought like this is paradigm shifting. It’s transformative. It’s rebellious. It also must be expressed more frequently. Our associations with romance are so toxic that we don’t recognize abuse in its infancy. The sad truth is, a guy who lands a woman by changing her mind initially about being with him will also chip away at other things she says “no” to. The fact that he did it once empowers him to try again, and again, and again. The relationship will never be balanced if he’s viewing everything she says no to as a challenge.

We need to do better. We need to demand more for ourselves, demand more for our friends, and never pressure them into appeasing some dude because the outward gestures we witness “look sweet and she should be grateful.” A rose is not always a rose. Sometimes a rose is a signal that a woman’s “no” doesn’t mean shit. And if he doesn’t respect her voice, what is her true worth in his eyes?

4 thoughts on “The Trouble with The Chase

  1. YES YES AND YES! We end up regretting it anyway. Ever looked at a man while he’s putting on a condom on his lousy penis and thought, why the hell am I here, AGAIN? Just me? I’m never fucking ugly men.

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