There’s this married man I’ve long been attracted to & now it seems he’s crushing on me too. It’s been brewing for a while. He’s been complimentary since last year when I put in curly hair… before I lost the weight. It’s important to me that he’s attracted to me at both sizes. I have no time for people who only like me skinny or only like me softer. Fuck all of you and accept me as I am.

Anyway, it’s becoming more and more apparent as time goes by that he wants me. I feel like other people can tell as well. Hell, they probably suspect we have something going on because of the way our interactions have changed. For example, he’ll ditch the people he’s buddy-buddy with to sit by me. He’ll compliment my hair whenever I change the slightest thing. He even noticed my pinky ring… and the shape of my fingers, and goes out his way to give me high fives, or come chit chat.

These simple little things on their own would not have the same impact, but the sheer amount of smiles and looks of longing and compliments and playful attention I get from him… plus workout tips! And him blatantly saying he thought of me while working on back and him saying he could help me workout… fuck!

This man is definitely within my grasp, & I can have him anyway I want him.

But I can’t possess him, nor can I have him anytime I want him. An exchange with him could be hot, but it couldn’t be long-lasting. What could we possibly have? An hour here, two hours there, the occasional night out? I don’t know. I’ve never been with a married man. I’ve always joked that the love of my life is probably still on his first marriage and needs to hurry up and get divorced already.

The flirtation is fun. The attention is hot and validating. It makes me smile most days. It truly brightens my day, but that’s where I’ll let it stay.

This sexy, blue eyed beast of a man cannot give me what I want. He can’t love me, he can only find stolen moments to fuck me. And though I deserve to be fucked by someone with whom I share a crazy chemical attraction, I also deserve a man’s full attention. And I’m going to make sure I get it.