Familiarity or Fantasy

I didn’t cum this morning. The hustle has disrupted my routine, the hustle I do for someone else’s dream.

I didn’t lather my fresh out the shower moist skin in coconut oil this morning nor the one before. I didn’t slow down and sense things. I didn’t convene with my sensual self.

Now I feel like a little tornado inside, a tiny one that you could quell by covering it with your hands, but I feel it all the same. I feel the pressure rising and the chaos it could almost cause.

Almost. There’s lots of people I’ve almost been, lots of places I’ve almost gone to, lots of ways things almost could have been.

Almost is bullshit, yet I fear almost dying more than death itself. It’s the almost that kills me, the uncertainty of how differently I might have to live.

I’m almost ready to restructure my life.

In the midst of my busy days, fantasy finds me still. Lately, I’ve been imagining myself, reimagined, remastered, retrained. I’ve been picturing myself completely unrestrained.

I think my work is one of those things that makes me feel dead inside. That’s not a dig at my job, lots of things in my life no longer animate me or haven’t for a while.

So I guess the question is familiarity or fantasy?

9 thoughts on “Familiarity or Fantasy”

      1. I know, but it’s worth it. If it doesn’t scare you then why bother right? I swing between darkness and a little spark, and that tiny spark keeps me going for a bit before the darkness consumes me.

      2. You’re right. I could use a little shock to the system. A career shakeup akin to an ice bath or something.

        Thanks for sharing that. My experience is very similar. We must nurture the spark

      3. Or even a big hair change, apparently it feels like a holiday! That spark takes all the energy and time and sweat and tears but man when it comes, it’s worth it! Keep shining… or trying at least! ❤

      4. Speaking of big hair change, did you ever cut/color yours? I was rocking the shaved side look earlier this year and boy was it exhilarating.

        Thanks love, you keep at it too.

      5. ooh! Last year I had shaved sides and half the back with a curly pony and fringe! I loved it, looked like a rock start. Now I did the big chop, again, and I’m ginger! LOving it too, for now.

      6. That’s so cute. I def felt like a rock star with mine too. And don’t get me started on how sexy it was when a man touched the shaved side 🤤

        That sounds cute. I bet it looks good in the sunlight.

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