Tú Sed

And after all this build up, the mutual world building, the fantasies of what’s to come, it’s a bit frightening to have you here in person. What if fantasy and reality just don’t collide? I accept that as one possible outcome, and I realize there could be many other outcomes.

“Our first meeting must be in public, we are strangers after all.” A big smile spreads across my face as I hit send.

“Staragers who’ve crawled into each other’s minds and inserted perversions there.”

This man and his talk of perversions, I bite my lip.

We meet at an outdoor cafe in Bangkok, somewhere new to the two of us, new sensations to explore. I sit across from you at this cafe and something different happens – I don’t have to try to quiet my mind around you.

I’m fully present, captivated by your gaze, your voice, your body’s animation. I finally know the fullness of your lips, how your tongue curls when you say my name. I watch your lips as you speak to me, your eyes, the way you move your hands. You take a sip from the straw and watch me watching you. You enjoy this, I see the corners of your lips raise in a smile.

Apart from a brief embrace upon entering the establishment, we have barely touched. I hunger for your warmth, but there’s no rush. Just having you in close proximity is enough to make my clit swell.

I press my legs together, like I’ve described to you so many times. You notice and immediately your eyes grow darker. There’s my animal.

We spend hours like this. Sipping our drinks, picking at appetizers, eye fucking, and talking about our lives—how we grew up, all the travel we’ve done and more we’d like to do. We bond over our love of freedom, our ambition for more in this world. Nothing sexual is said, but we’re both alert and fully charged with erotic energy. When the bill comes we both reach for it. Your big hand blankets mine and you say, “No, it’s my treat.”

Neither of us pulls away. The fire of a thousand suns runs through me. I’m sure you feel it too. I bite my lip and look at you. You grin and say, “Shall we go for a walk next?”

Torturous man, you could have me here on the table, “Yes, I’d like that,” I say.

We walk along sparsely crowded streets. Talking more. Not touching much, but each time we do, each little brush of the shoulders or graze of the hands is felt so deeply. What will it be like to kiss you, I wonder. Will my knees still support me? Will you catch me if I faint like a love sick lady?

We walk by street vendors, artists, jewelers, clothing boutiques. There are a lot of eyes on us since in this country we are both minorities. I see how the women look at you and I enjoy seeing the lust in their eyes. A few blocks down we run into some vendors who are not shy. They wave us over and ask if we’re on our honeymoon and tell us we are “such a beautiful couple.” We look at each other and blush as we haven’t DTR’d (defined the relationship) yet.

All this buttering up goes to our heads and soon we are trying on clothes and sipping on mimosas. Some stuff we pick out, others they pick for us, and it’s surprising how well their choices suit us. We leave the vendors with several new pieces of attire and slightly tipsy.

We stop at a park and lay down together on a plush blanket we got from the street merchants. Still talking, as if we have a lifetime of memories to catch each other up on. So much to say, so much to share. The level of comfort I feel around you is intense. Am I crazy for feeling safe with you so quickly?

Not far from the field where we are, a jazz ensemble starts playing. I hear the saxophone and that’s it for me, I must get up and groove! You sit up on your elbows and watch me, entranced by my movement.

Eventually I stretch a hand out for you to join me. You’re shy about it, but you get up and tower over me. We are moving together and there is so much sensation around us. My mind is free of everything but the music and you.

You’re smiling again and dancing goofy. I’ve never wanted you more. Your bare feet in the grass, your long limbs moving about, the sunlight on your elegant body. I’m drunk on desire for you, but I will tell you this with my body instead of words.

The music slows and we inch closer, facing each other with bodies pressed to one another. You take my right hand in yours and place your other hand on the middle of my back. We sway together in this trancelike manner. I rest my head against your chest and hear your heartbeat…just the kind of closeness I craved.

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