There is this moment right before you ascend into air where you have to choose between panic and surrender. Right now, I’m not sure if I should panic or surrender.

I’m filled with all sorts of conflicting emotions and I don’t like it. No one emotion is strongest, so it’s hard to get this feeling out of my bones, but I’ll do my best.

I’m disappointed/frustrated with work. I had a system that was working well until it stopped working so now I have to find a new way. It’s not the end of the world, and I’m part phoenix, so I can rise again, but damn…

I don’t feel lonely too often, and it usually doesn’t bother me much unless it’s a certain combination of depressed+lonely at the same time, but lately I’ve been feeling a sense of loneliness around people. But it’s not like I’m lonely to fit in with them, it’s that I’m lonely for more people like myself. I am a strange creature, and I don’t encounter others like me often. That being said, I honestly don’t see the point of being around people who I have little in common with.

I feel the fear and worry taking space of gratitude and curiosity and I don’t like that. I also don’t yet have a solution… maybe this isn’t something that’s meant to be solved… maybe it just needs to be noticed and named.

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