Toe Cleavage

I didn’t mean to spend the money, but I saw some pretty sparkly dangly curtain of crystals and lights and I wondered if I could touch, I wanted to touch it, so I did, I reached a scrawny hand toward it and, to my surprise, my fingers passed through, and I felt it, I felt the gorgeous purple shoe.

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The Energy

The competition aspect of my new gig is nuts. This morning in hot-seat was a fierce Hunger Games style battle. Despite being new, I went up against someone who is very well spoken, smooth, charismatic, and seasoned. I’d noticed him before and admired his style.

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Self Driving Human

Author’s Note——I left my old position around this time last year, so I wanted to do a little update here. I’ve also re-published the original “I quit” story which I’d previously deleted for whatever reason.  
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Kick, Push

Today I am filled with gratitude and awe. My bad knee is allowing me to do more and more and I could literally cry tears of joy (okay, okay, I did cry a little, lol) for how far my body has come.

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Source Material

You ever find yourself sitting in a seminar where your mind gets to churning and you start to think, This sounds too good to be true, in fact… it feels a little cult-y. These people wanna know my why and I’m not sharing. My why is for me, I don’t owe anyone my life story.

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Bubbles


Eyes are useless when the mind is blind

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MB57

I’m not a big party person, yet here I sit in the parking lot of a big party on the passenger side of my truck with the door open, waiting. I went inside and said hello to the woman with my face—it was weird, she was dancing and acting human.

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The Path

Today I’m filled with gratitude & excitement. Things are coming together in the most beautiful, yet unexpected (and arguably poetic) way.

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Do it scared

I’m feeling alive again
The behavior is proof

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Good Luck Daisy

I normally don’t buy daisies on purpose because they remind me of an ex best friend who wore a good-luck daisy clip in her hair.

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Things

Things that brought me joy this week

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Are You Happy?

My goal was never to lead a happy life, but rather to lead a peaceful one. I don’t need things or people to “make me happy.”

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Ascension

I’ve met myself among the moon and the stars, perhaps catapulted here by one of those stick and rubber band slingshots younger me used to make.

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A Year in Rope

At the beginning of 2022, I was in a bad way. It became impossible to avoid certain truths as my body refused to be numb any longer. Suddenly, I was drowning in emotions—grief, shame, remorse, plus my usual dose of melancholy.

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Idol Worship

Truth be told, the first time I saw Eartha Kitt, she kind of scared me. Well, not Eartha herself, but the character she played in Boomerang—that purring old lady, it really spooked me as a kid.

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Familiarity or Fantasy, 2

It’s been about six weeks since I quit my job and I don’t regret it, however, living out my fantasy is a bit different to what I expected.

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824


I quit my job today. I’ve been fantasizing about it for a while. This week the desire was heavier than ever. I felt like a fraud showing up when I knew I didn’t want to be there.

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Certain Hungers


I’m chained to certain hungers, though some are still without names. Without specificity. I crave a certain texture, a sensation, or place. I can’t pinpoint it, which torments me slightly, but excites me still.

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Write

I’m out of touch.

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Witness Me Tenderly

I’m feeling waves of heavy emotions today. It’s day 3 of my period and I am struggling. I am immensely sad. I feel exhausted. I have no appetite. I forced myself to eat oatmeal this morning. Half a cup and it took me over an hour.

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Glimpse of Light

Anhedonia has been a constant companion for the past 6 weeks. Today, for the first time in over a month, I was able to set foot in the gym, shut my mind off, and be in my body.

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Two Dark Places

The two dark places I inhabit force me to take inventory of my thoughts and feelings. Sitting with the darkness, I realize it enriches me. For so long I’ve tried to outrun it. Now I aim to embody it completely. No longer avoiding the pain. I don’t just endure it, I embrace it. It doesn’t frighten me, the darkness. I’m drunk from the ropes that bind me. I accept endings, knots, and twists. I picture new possibilities as I reason with my darkest desires and sense a more enriching life beyond them. I let my thoughts run freely and I’m freer for it.